Just a short little thought this evening (which actually means, a long thought that is shorter than my usual long thoughts).

This whole new baby thing is becoming quite the faith tester.

Wanted one for so long now that (well, only a year and a couple months) that it seems like forever.

Another month has gone by, still no new little one in the picture at all. 

I sometimes wonder if I should give up?

I still know God is the ultimate opener and closer of the womb. 

I have been reminded, it seems like, over and over of the story of Noah, and God's promises lately, and the story of Abraham and Sarai. 

It seems every time I turn around I see another rainbow, in some form of fashion, whether it be one in the sky, or the reflection off someone's cd in their car (yes, really). I guess now I really look for them, though, since they mean hope to me. Seems like in my life they are the one thing God has used to really remind me of his hope. Every time I've been praying fervently over something in my life, it seems they pop up. Or, if I'm down? They pop up. Or, if I am even just pondering the Lord - it's like it's his little reminder to me, personally, that He still is on the throne, and still loves me (which makes me cry!). 

So it's not a surprise to me that I have been reminded of the story of Noah often (seriously, it's the one the kids want to read ALL the time now, when given the choice between bible stories, and this year, B has always requested the song, "Noah built a boat," over and over!). The Noah movie came out this year, and we went to see it (terrible rendition, but - nonetheless, it was the "Noah" story). And just recently we have been watching a YouTube video all about the actual story of Noah.  

Which brings me to my point.

If and when we ever do get pregnant again, I want his or her name to be one from the Noah story.

I have thought about this a lot.

And of course, run it by Justin...lol...who just laughs at me. We're not even pregnant and I'm thinking seriously about names! Okay, so I'm a planner...

I love the Noah story, and even more so these days than ever. 

It is about hope, and God's promises. 

He LOVES his people.

Tonight, after taking a pregnancy test, and of course getting a negative, I was watching a YouTube video of people worshiping God at a Kari Jobe concert. There were SO many people there, and God loves EVERY one of them.

He created each one, he knows the number of hairs on EACH of their heads. They are each, individually, SO important to him. 

And they were all worshiping him. What joy that must give him to see all these people, the people he pictured from the beginning of time, when he chose to save Noah and his family and not give up on us. And think of how much the earth has been populated since then. So many Christians exist today that would not exist if he had decided to just give up and not give us another chance. 

Why would he not want one more? Why? 

He LOVES people.

So much.

So all that to say, I think that, when Jesus decides it's time, and he does bless us with another sweet one that HE designs and delights in, then I will name them from the story of Noah.

Because this next baby will be my sign from the Lord about HOPE. And that ALL of God's promises are YES and AMEN. 

What a precious promise fulfilled that baby will be. 

Planting, sowing...reaping

When I was younger, just getting out of college, I had a pretty hard time figuring out what I was wanting to do with my life. 

I mean, I struggled after college. I won't lie.

I had this Journalism degree, with an emphasis in Public Relations, and I really didn't know what to do with it. 

Don't get me wrong.

I wanted that degree. I LOVE people, and I LOVE writing, and I LOVE stories.

I may still decide to write in the future.

In fact, I hope I do.

I plan to do something with this love for writing I have, and to use the writing talent I believe God has given me for greater purpose in the future.

And after college, I did use it. I worked for a local weekly newspaper for about a year, then transferred to the Snyder Daily News as a Features Editor where I worked for a year, as well.

Let me tell you, that time in my life was one of the most challenging yet.

Because I DID love the writing. 

But I knew I wanted more than that, and my heart yearned for it. 

Yes, I wanted to marry, and have children. And that too, came about, in the most beautiful fashion! I can honestly say I believe Jesus wrote Justin's and my lovestory, and is still writing it.

But...when I would write in my prayer journal, years ago, after college, and even before, I would pray for "more". 

I wish I could find those old journals now, and some day I will take the time to really search for them. They are somewhere in the heap of scraps I've saved over the years in the attic underneath other things I've neglected. But for now, I just remember pouring my heart and soul into finding that "counseling" job, or job in "ministry". Because not only would I write in my prayer journal about it but I would earnestly seek after it, even when I had applied to college for a Journalism degree. During my time at home, before I left for college, I applied for a position at a bible college close to home to work as a "teen counselor," and a "missionary" position in Hawaii (lol!), and even prayed about joining a choir that tours internationally to share the good news of Jesus in their songs. My heart was wanting to do something "more".

Yet I still went to college and got that Journalism degree. And I'm glad I did. It was where Jesus led me.

But I think God can birth our dreams in our hearts years, and years before they come to pass. 

Which is why I'm writing here again about the retreats our church is doing.

I know that it is only by the grace of God that I have been led to this particular place, in this particular point in time. 

Nothing is by coincidence. 

Nothing.

When we were switching to our current church, I was really upset.

Honestly. 

I was sad to have to leave the familiarity of that church, and the good friends I'd made there.

But I kept feeling like the Lord was saying, "I'm doing something new. Just watch."

And...He is.

It's been amazing to watch.

This church we have finally joined (after a year of attending, by the way!) has been more than I ever could have asked God for - I am so happy, for the first time, in a very long time, with the place we are attending.

Which leads me to the retreats we've been participating in. 

I think they may be part of what God has been birthing in my heart... For such a time as this.

Because, up until now, I've been able to sing at church, doing specials, and I've even had the extreme privilege of working in a church office, both of which I've absolutely LOVED. 

But never have I had the opportunity to serve in the way that I am serving now. It is filling a part of my heart that has ached to be used for so long! 

So far, I've helped out with two retreats that our church has coordinated, and I've been able to see beautiful things take place that Jesus has done that I have never been able to be a part of before.

I have been leading worship at the retreats, and have seen some pretty amazing things happen - at the last one, the one for teens, all the pews were empty during the altar call ~ such a beautiful sight it was! 

Just amazing for my eyes and heart!

If I had kept a job during this time, and had been working, or had not had kids and stayed home with them, I would not have had the time to put into these retreats. 

But because the way my life has worked out, I do.

...Which leads me to this last retreat. It is indescribable how much you can learn from just helping behind the scenes. And even though 40 girls came to the altar during the altar call, the most inspiring moment for me happened before the retreat even began. 

You see, this retreat was for teen girls, so the subjects that were touched and the testimonies that were shared were very, very deep and personal, ranging from rape and abortion to cutting and meth use. It was pretty intense. 

And I was on the worship team, so I got asked to sing several songs alone, and one with one of the girls who had suffered rape in high school and was still going through the healing process. 

She was singing the song, "Warrior," about healing through a traumatic experience, and she was also sharing her testimony about her rape. 

It was very, very hard for her, though, and before the retreat she'd been trying to sing it on her own, but she just couldn't. So, about three days before the retreat, my team leader came to me and asked me if I could sing it with her. I didn't even know the song, but it quickly became one of my favorites after practicing it. It's intense, but beautiful. 

Well, we had tried to get together before the retreat to practice, but were never able to. 

So, you can imagine the nerves on Friday, the day we were to sing it! 

I wasn't that nervous, since I'd practiced it on my own and felt confident I could do it. But I really wanted her to be able to sing it with me. 

Her nerves were shot...I can only imagine the feeling of being up there in front of all those girls, that were her same age, and sharing about this most horrific incident in her life, then having to sing about it. After all, it had only been a year or two (I think, I could be wrong) since it had happened. Her story is very unique, in that almost the whole town came against her after her and her family testified against this man (and his friends had been in on it, too - not sure if they were charged, but I know at least one was). The kids in the town created t-shirts in support for the man who had raped her. It sounds like it was devastating for her to go through. I am not sure if I could have gotten up in front of anyone, much less my peers, and told my story, then sang about it, either.

So, as you can understand, she was scared. But she came that afternoon to the chapel, where we were to sing, and tried to practice with me in front of our team leaders and her mom. 

It wasn't happening though. 

She sobbed, and sobbed some more. She couldn't do it, she said. She just couldn't. 

But after pulling herself together (that sweet, brave soul!) she tried to sing one last time with me, and, immediately following the song, our team leader (and coordinator of the retreats) looked at us with tears streaming down her cheeks after praying throughout the song for us. 

"I just wanted to tell you," she said, "that while you were singing, as I was praying, God showed me something."

"After I prayed, I opened my eyes, and there were four warring angels standing in front of that podium where you are," she said. 

"And God told me that they will not leave. They will be here, and they will stay here during your song."

That was enough for her, I think. ;) 

And me. 

We sang that song that night, and I pray lives were touched, and people healed. 

I have been praying for lives to be touched and people to be healed throughout this time, before the retreats start, and even fasting from certain things in my life. 

I feel used of God, and it's just amazing. These retreats are indescribable. 

And my sweet hubby...He is in on it too. He will be going with me in October to the couples retreat, where we will get to lead worship together. Never did I actually believe that I'd be able to lead worship in such a fashion - and for such an audience. God always plants our dreams before he gives them to us. 

We haven't actually practiced yet for this next one, but I have been asked to play keyboard, which I am totally new at (haven't lead worship like that before - just done vocals so far, so we will see how this pans out!), and Justin will be on guitar.

I can't wait to see what God has up His sleeve for this next one. He always promises to meet us where we're at. But he does so much more than that. 

Never before have I been so convinced that He places our dreams in our hearts before he gives them to us physically. 











  

Updates on our God journey :)

I write this blog post as my husband is behind me snoring (a bit, not a lot - sorry hunny!;) and my two beautiful blessings are sound asleep in their beds, hopefully having wonderful dreams. :) 
This is when I get to write...the "happy" hour between when the kids go to bed and I go to bed! :) 
I have been meaning to write a post on the other "goings on" of our lives, besides the hustle and bustle of every day life and the pictures I get to take daily of our adventures. ;) 
More about our spiritual journey. 
And it has been good - God is doing great things! I will start with the kids...  
In our family, our normal routine with the kiddos is to take them to church on Sundays, and to Bible Club on Thursday mornings. Bible Club is like a Sunday School for kids in the park, and they really love it. The last couple years have been more sporadic though, because of Brookelynn's birth! 
I was taking Kaleb every week to Bible Club before she was born, but after she was born, it became a bit harder. Then, Kaleb's two's hit, and wow...it was hard to tote a one year old on my hip and get a very, very strong willed two year old to sit still for more than two seconds. ;) In my heart of hearts, I always believe Kaleb is going to be like the Caleb in the bible (which is one of the reasons we chose his name, of course) ~ to stand alone for God and his beliefs, against all odds and everyone else's opinion. Our Kaleb will live up to that, and I pray always that he will stand up for what he believes. So far, his personality proves that he will. 
Anyway, all that to say, we haven't gone to Bible Club as much the last couple of years, but this year, K's third year, has proved to be a LOT easier in the toting two kids around department. I am SO grateful for that! There is magic in the number three. ;) He still throws tantrums, but they are much easier, and more controllable now, thankfully!
So, we have enjoyed our Thursday Bible Club, and our Sundays at church. 
And, while we're still on the subject of kids - I know I've mentioned that I love our church, but I just find more and more reasons why as we continue to attend there. They wave flags during worship, and our kids are going to do it too soon!
I am so excited, because we just purchased a couple of small, kids flags for B and K! Sometimes we keep the kids in the service during church, and other times we don't. But when we do, I look forward to letting them wave their flags and dance for Jesus during the praise and worship time!
And, during their Sunday School, they have a praise and worship session, as well. I believe they have flags in there too, along with some tambourines and other instruments for them to play during their "praise and worship sessions". :) 
They also pray together, and the teachers brag to us afterward when we pick them up that Brookelynn is their little "prayer warrior". (Okay, yes, mom brag moment.:) 
And, Kaleb has started talking more and more about Jesus without my talking about him first, which of course, just brightens my day. There is nothing like hearing your children talking about Jesus. Nothing! 
We also say our memory verses before we go to bed, and sometimes read the bible together, and we always pray, of course.
I must admit that the bible reading part is where we are lacking. We need to get on top of that. K has several children's bibles, and I need to find one he really likes. We tend to sometimes let our regular bedtime story get in the way. :) 
We also pray of course, before we eat, but sometimes I forget, after I have been back and forth from the table to the counter in the kitchen, back to the table, back to the kitchen ten times. Then I sit down and just breathe. Ha!
But we do pray before dinner, most of the time! Usually we let one of the kids do it, or we will do it and have them repeat after us. 
Onto "us". 
I am so excited for where the Lord is leading our family in our spiritual journey together. 
Both Justin and I love music, and we've been able to lead worship at our church together for the first time since we've been together. It is SUCH a joy. I would recommend it for all couples! 
But anyway, we lead every first Sunday of the month most of the time, even if Justin's on nights. I must admit, that gets a bit challenging for all of us, but we still manage to make it work. I LOVE that I have a husband with a heart to do that. What a sweet man he is! He literally comes home after working the 12 hour nightshift, gets about an hour of sleep, then gets up again to lead worship at church, then comes home and gets about four hours of sleep before going back for another 12 hours. I am in awe. We will continue to do this as long as we are able and the church lets us. It is truly humbling to be able to lead  a church in worship of the Most High. Cannot even describe that. And to get to do it with my husband by my side is only just a dream come true for me. :) Jesus is amazing. 
We have also been asked to lead worship at a couples retreat in New Mexico in October. We are honored and thrilled to be able to help out! 
I am also going to help out at a teen girls retreat in August, which is also an extreme honor. I cannot wait. I hope that lives are touched and girls are saved, transformed, and healed, in the precious name of Jesus. 
Honored. 
That is just the best way to describe the way I feel about the goings on of our spiritual journey right now. The Lord, for some reason, has chosen to bless us and for that I am eternally grateful. I can only bow my head and say thank you. 

So.
That's how we are doing. Just a bunch of Jesus-lovin folk that like to sing a bit. :) Oh - and play the piano and guitar. Justin practices his guitar a bit more than I practice piano, though. It's just hard to do when you've got two kiddos running circles around you! I would like to, though, in the future, and I plan to soon, get some tambourines for them to play while we play our instruments. Then, we can have a family worship session at home. :) 

Just a bit of our journey. More to share later on how the trips go, and, all the other beautiful things God is teaching us, and doing in our lives. One thing is for sure - that is that this God-lovin life is never dull or boring, huh? ;) 

Blessings! 



  

HIS plan is BIG

I've had some good dreams lately.

I don't normally dream much, and when I do, they are usually ones I can't really understand or get much out of. And most of the time, they are just plain weird. Not good, not bad, just weird!

But lately, I've had two that really have stood out to me, in good ways, and I wanted to share them with ya.

The first one was the night before church last weekend.

It was short and sweet and to the point. I was running a race, and desperate to get to the finish line. I remember feeling overwhelmed and working very hard, but at the same time, I was smiling throughout the whole race, and very at peace...My pastor was ahead of me, even toward the end, if I remember clearly. Not sure what that means (hope that's not true in some ways!;) but I remember thinking throughout the race, "I can do this! I can do this! Pastor Tony is there cheering me on! I can do this!"

And that was it.

But when I woke up, I thought, "Wow. What truth!"

Because that's kind of how I feel. I feel like our pastor can not only be our friend, our mentor, our encourager, but also our coach. And that is how I feel toward our pastor.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace."
Acts 20:24 NIV

The second one was last night.

I dreamt that I was back in the time before I met Justin, before I came to Texas, when I was still in Washington.

I was staying at a friend's house for some reason. Not sure why. But it was out of my hometown, and I had finally found a church I felt at "home" in there while staying with her. And then I had to go, and I couldn't continue going to the church I found that I loved, and it devastated me. And that was about it, really. Not many other details stand out.

But it means a lot to me.

Because that's where I had been for SO long.

I had found churches I liked in Washington, and there was one in particular I fell in love with, but for some reason, the Lord had not allowed me to attend as I had wanted to, for several reasons. I was so upset though, because I couldn't go to a church I felt at "home" in.

And this morning, when I woke from the dream, I was immediately so overwhelmed with joy.

Because now, I am in Texas, finally attending a church I love, and feel at "home" in.

It truly is the biggest blessing ever.

This is the FIRST time I have ever felt so at home in a church. It's a "place" in life I've been praying for for a long time.

Thanks Jesus, for all this goodness, and your graciousness in our lives. You are continuously working behind the scenes, and we never know what you're going to do next, but you always have GOOD plans!

New blog time

Just decided to start a new blog!
I hated the idea that my personal beliefs and thoughts and ideas, and all the goings on of my mind would be posted alongside our family's news - I needed something more "personal"!
SO, here is my attempt at doing something a little more personal.

More of a journal feel, not so much "news".

Plus, we have so much going on right now with our new church, I wanted this to be a place where I can write about it, and the journey God is leading us into. It's an exciting one, and a very different time for our family than we've ever experienced yet.

So, here it is. The beginning of a blog about my personal views, thoughts and ideas. We shall see what happens.

Not only will it be an "outlet" for me, but also a place to watch as God does His thing - to see his miracles take place before our eyes.

So fun!

PS - This is definitely not going to take the place of our old blog - just will be an addition to it! :)